I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
