Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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