when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
