Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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