In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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