He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
