Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
