So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
