What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
