don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
