We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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