Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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