I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
