You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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