But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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