What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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