I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize