one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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