I'm sorry my penis didn't work
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
