He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
