He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
