I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
