you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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