I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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