lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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