The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I deserve this hangover.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
