Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
