Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
