Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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