All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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