I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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