It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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