Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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