Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
