i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you made out with another girl for some wings
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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