i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
