And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
