Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
