I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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