I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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