Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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