Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
