I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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