Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
