life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dignity is for republicans.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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