he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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