turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Couch. On fire.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
