when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
