Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
