So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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