He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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