Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize