There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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