so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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