I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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