there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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