the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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