We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
