Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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