Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
