So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
