i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
