i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
