I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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