i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
