he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
