hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm like, not good at living.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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