my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
