Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
