I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
