i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
