Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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