I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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