I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
