I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
