two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
