You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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