Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
